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I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
