the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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