I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
