lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
