On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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