I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
