then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
