I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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