i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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