I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
