i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
