his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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