After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
