I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
