Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It was confusing and full of hummus
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
