2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
