my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
