Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
