Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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