She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
