Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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