Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think a kid would responsible me up
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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