he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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