Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
