If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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