Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
