plz talk dirty to me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
