Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
