I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
