I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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