Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
