did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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