So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
