No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
