The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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