I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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