Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
