So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
