Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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