in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
