some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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