Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
