he told me I talked like a deaf person
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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