You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
