We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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