We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
