its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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