I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
