we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
