Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
