You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
