he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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