I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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