Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
