I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
