Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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