I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So apparently I’m into choking now
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