I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
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I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
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I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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