I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
