I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
