yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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