just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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