I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
