Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
