Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
