We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
