is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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