wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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