making cat noises will not fix the situation.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
