Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
