He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
