i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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