Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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