she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I am morally bankrupt
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
