it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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