i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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