she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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