____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
